The Second Time Round

Mother's Day is this weekend. And this would be my 200th post.

Being a mother changed my whole life. Before my children, I'd only have to worry about myself (& hubbie but he's a big boy). I could work late, go shopping after work, catch a movie anytime and get home whenever. Then it all changes. I go straight home after work to see my kids. I bring my kids out with me when I shop. And I don't stay up past midnight anymore.

But I don't think I've given up anything at all. In fact, I feel extremely blessed. To have a baby to hold. To watch a child learn the simplest things in life. To be able to shape a person's way of life. And to influence his future. It's something every woman should go through. It's that instinct in us that comes alive.

It's not easy though, to be a mother. The first time around, I felt prepared. I've read and trained in all things birth and beyond. I knew what to expect every step of the way. But it's one thing to have the theory and it's a completely different thing to actually do it.

To put it simply, I was lost the first time round. I had no clue why my baby was crying. Was he hungry? But it's not time for his feed yet... Wet? But I just changed him... Did his tummy hurt? I don't know. Is it something serious? Intususseption? Hirshsprung's Disease? Metabolic Disorder? Suddenly, I go from being a professional to a worrying mess. Is he going to be ok?

So like all first time moms, I learnt from scratch. How to tell when a diaper needs changing. How to prevent nappy/heat rashes. How to sooth a crying baby. How to coax him to try that new cereal you just bought or to take the medicine he needs. How to keep him happy while on the phone.

Meanwhile, I tried my best to show my first, Bryan that I loved him. Everything he did was so exciting, fascinating. I was secretly very thrilled when he met each milestone. I never imagined I'd have such a rollercoaster of emotions. This was all brand new.

But the second time, it's very different. I was more relaxed, took things as they come. I rationed my time, made sure I had enough rest. I didn't panic every time my second, Gabriel cried. It was like a do-over. To correct my 'mistakes'. This time I breastfed longer, and didn't supplement as much. I think I read Gabriel better, whether he needed to be fed, or whether his diaper needed changing, or if he just wanted a cuddle.

This time my feelings were the same, yet different. It was still a deep, intense love that I felt. But it was quiet, more mature. I don't feel the need to rush into things, like weaning. I feel contented, peaceful. A very good feeling.